


The Meaning of Words

by BoredFox



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Experimenting with writing styles, Loose definitions of said prompts, M/M, One Word Prompts, What am I doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-23 04:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11395290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoredFox/pseuds/BoredFox
Summary: From one side, you see their smiles, laughs, dreams and games.From another side, you see all the pain they've been through, all the pain they're still putting themselves through.-Some short things written with one word as a prompt.





	1. Diorama

**Author's Note:**

> This is how I practice writing.  
> I write whatever pops in my head.  
> Usually what pops in my head is angst.
> 
> Anyway I'm not really too sure of this, if I correctly used the prompt word, if the whole thing is any good, or whatnot. I wrote it on my phone as I do with most things, and it was written somewhere between 10:00 PM and 2:00 AM, so yeah... 
> 
> I actually like this one; I have two and a half others done, but this one is currently the strongest in my opinion. I definitely played with the style on this, it's not my usual style but it's fun. It feels more dynamic to me, but that may just be me being strange.

From one side, you see their smiles, laughs, dreams and games.

The two of them truly are best friends. Gon always finds a way to make Killua smile or blush, and Killua always finds a way to bring Gon back to earth.

They look at each other in that way that married couples do, after years of being together. They've been through a lot together and are determined to stay together through whatever else comes their way.

They take care of Alluka, they meet with Leorio and Kurapika as much as possible, and they keep up with their friends. They make plenty of new friends, too.

They're never too far from one another these days. You're happy for them, this is how it should always be, but you know it's not how they've always been.

From another side, you see all the pain they've been through, all the pain they're still putting themselves through. 

You see them bleeding for one another, crying because of it, and then running off to patch themselves up. You see them return the next day and pretend it never happened.

They smile at death, and pretend that it was life instead. 

They do a lot of pretending, but only Killua outright denies it. Maybe it's to make people stop asking, or maybe it's to try and activate a placebo effect of sorts. Either way, he lies, and he lies well. Sadly, though, he never managed to convince himself. He can't understand why he can't just break, so he tries to do it himself. It never works. 

Gon, on the other hand, never tries to convince himself or anyone else. He knows the way things are. He'd rather people know, as if some sort of warning. He, too, is frustrated by the inability to just break, but he has trouble releasing the tension. He doesn't want to do it himself, but he worries he might anyway.

From an angle in-between, you can see they are afraid of the world, afraid of themselves more than anything else. The only thing they aren't truly afraid his each other. They're afraid of what they might do, but never who they do it for. They know they're afraid and are ready to admit it. For that, they are brave. Both have been in countless fights and still find the battle against themselves the hardest, so they help each other through it.

From an angle you can't see, from within, there are answers. Why? What makes it worth it? Some reasons are incredibly obvious, but others they keep to themselves. It doesn't matter, they'll share when they're ready, if they ever decide they should. They belong with each other, it's obvious, so no one will question their decision to stay.


	2. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fireworks show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm bad at writing fluff I'm sorry.  
> Once again a weird writing style I think.  
> I'm not satisfied with this. Please let me know your thoughts, how you think it could be better, whatever else. I tried. I need to sleep.

They're back in Yorknew now, older and with fewer distractions. They can now explore the city in earnest, go to all of the places that are commonly referred to as a "must see," but they really aren't all that interested in the tourist spots. Not now. Now they are sitting on the balcony of their hotel staring at the sky. They're waiting, all the necessary snacks and beer they'll need for the next half hour or so.

Killua's already half through with the popcorn, so Gon goes back in to make some more. While he's in he grabs a blanket. When he goes back out, Killua immediately notes that he only brought one blanket and proceeds to throw the now empty popcorn bowl at Gon. 

"You're the one who ate all the popcorn, go in and get your own blanket," Gon tells him. Killua throws a can of beer at him, and Gon laughs as he catches it.

"I was gonna ask for that anyway. Y'know, technically, you're still too young to drink alcohol," he says, a mischievous smile on his face. Killua's out of things to throw at him. 

"Yeah, meaning you're the one who'd get in trouble if we get caught." Killua takes a gulp of his beer at that moment, mostly just to add emphasis to his statement. In all honesty, he'd rather throw it, too.

Gone sighs and pulls the blanket up around his arms. "What time are the fireworks supposed to start, anyway?"

"Oh, uh, I think..." Killua looks around for his phone and checks the clock on it. "About ten minutes I think. We came out too early, I think."

"That's not a bad thing, it feels nice out." 

"Then why do you have that blanket?" Killua inquires. Gon smiles at Killua, then pulled the blanket up over his head. 

Killua glares at him for a second, then stands and walks around to his side.

"I'm not gonna give you the blanket."

For the next five minutes they are both fighting over who gets the blanket. Eventually, Killua decides instead that he is going to sit in Gon's lap and force him to share the blanket. 

"Killua, you're taller than me. This doesn't work too well," Gon says. He tries to nudge Killua into a better position, so Killua curls and rests his head on Gon's shoulder. Finally somewhat satisfied with their positioning, they now attempt to tackle the problem of how to reach their snacks, as the majority are, of course, on what was Killua's side of the table.

The fireworks start, and Killua stops bothering with the snacks and stares up to the sky. Gon notices this and wraps his arms around Killua. For a long minute, he finds himself just staring into Killua's eyes, watching the reflections of the fireworks. After that minute, he decides he probably should watch the fireworks themselves too.

Colorful sparkles fill the sky above the buildings, and the pops resonate in the solid objects of the surroundings. Some fly out quickly, others float down.

Killua looks at Gon every now and then, to see him smiling at the colorful pyrotechnics. He sighs once, and, to his embarrassment, Gon takes notice and makes eye contact. He blushes and moves his attention back to the sky.

Eventually the smoke gets so thick that the fireworks appear as merely flashes, and Gon sighs and rests his head against Killua's.

The fireworks show ends, and they stay the way they are for a minute. Killua moves to stand, and Gon pulls him back. 

Killua attempt once again to get up, frustrated, but Gon just pulls him closer and kisses his forehead.

"We can't stay out here all night, Gon. It's too humid." At this, Gon gives in, and they both stand and clean up the mess of snacks that they had brought out with them before going back inside.


	3. Dam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very cliche  
> more angst???  
> I'm sorry

There is a dam in Gon's mind that holds back the negative things.

He tries to keep up regular maintenance on it, but it was faulty to begin with, he thinks.

Emotions build up behind it, put pressure on it, and sometimes the pressure is too much. He tries to hide it the best he can, against his judgement, out of pure habit, one he developed originally because he thought it would lessen the burden on others.

Then the dam breaks. Then there is a flood. Floods are destructive, he's learned, they wash away what he's built around himself, what his loved ones have built around him. Then there is clean up to do, assessing damages, estimating repairs, condemning things, none are ever pleasant when they refer to emotions, relations, bonds so strong and close to him that they are like bones.

Gon learns he can destroy all of these things way too easily.

And just as he learns that floods can create more fertile soil, he learns that a clean break can help a bone mend stronger than before.

He may not have been the one to ensure a clean break, but he's thankful for the one who did. He will do his best to prevent any further damage to that bone.

Gon is thankful that he doesn't have to rebuild his dam alone. He could have drowned if he did.

Besides, they've always been stronger together, right? So anything they build together should be, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewriting something is often better for catching mistakes than just editing.  
> And to the people who care, thank you so very much for caring!


	4. Nyctophilia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prompt word is not accurately used here, but close enough I think.

"Killua?" Gon's voice came soft from behind the door. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." A small lie, one everyone uses. Gon knows, and he knows that Gon knows. He also knows his voice didn't show it, and, if he can use his acting skills just right, he could convince Gon that he wasn't feeling as bad as he actually was.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

He heard the door open, close, and soft footsteps made their way to the side of the bed. Killua didn't look up, he just pulled the blanket over his head.

"Killua, I know you're upset. Talk to me."

Killua grumbled and turned away, wrapping himself further in the blanket. He heard Gon sigh and walk back toward the door, then the light switch clicked as it was turned on. Killua grumbled more and buried himself in the bedding.

"Turn it off..."

The bedding helped very little in fighting off the claustrophobic feeling the light brought.

"Will you tell me what's wrong if I do?"

Trade exposure for exposure? He liked neither kind, though strongly considered it. 

"No, just turn it off."

"No." Gon went back to the bed and sat down, immediately proceeding to try and pry the blanket off of Killua's head. It didn't work out too well, so he instead settled for trying to join Killua under the blankets. Which was, again, a failed effort met with much grumbling and pushing and kicking.

So much for trying to play it off as nothing. Though, frankly, he had a more immediate issue.

"I'll let you in if you turn the damn lights off."

"Geez, Killua, you really are upset."

Killua sat up sharply to stare at Gon, but immediately regretted it. He put the blanket back over his head.

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"You only fuss about the lights this much when you're really upset."

The lights were finally off again and Killua flopped back down and stared at the ceiling. Does he really, or is Gon just projecting this? Gon's pretty observant and honest, so Killua can't see why it wouldn't be too far off, but is it even that big of a deal?

"I understand it, though. Killua prefers calm, right?"

That's true. Killua had always thought of it in terms of "light is exposure," but never really explored the possibility that he just found darkness more comforting. He hadn't wanted to, it made him feel like he had failed to overcome what his training as an assassin had forced on him, that he should hide. But it hurt just as much when he thought of Gon, because Gon is his light, right?

"It isn't that big of a deal, just keep them off for now, okay?"

Gon climbed in bed with him and pulled the blankets up over them both

"Y'know, Killua, I kinda prefer darkness, too. When I feel upset or stressed, anyway." Gon placed one hand on Killua's waist, causing the other teen to curl up slightly toward him. Killua knew Gon couldn't see him blushing at the moment, but he was blushing and strangely he couldn't figure out why.

"Gon?"

"Reminds me of you, actually."  
Gon paused to laugh at the small noise Killua made, then pulled him closer. "You act calm even when you're not. Like earlier."

Killua sighed. Of course Gon was still trying to get him to say what upset him, but Killua didn't want this moment ruined. He didn't want to say it, but he really wanted Gon to continue. But why?

Gon sighed too, this time, then laughed. "I also don't really know what you're thinking half the time." At this Killua pushed Gon toward the edge of the bed, an action met with light laughter and an attempt at a hug.

Another sigh; Killua forgot who it came from the moment the sound left the air between them. He knew why now.

The first reason is because he wanted it to be okay to prefer darkness to light. Of course, most humans are drawn to darkness in some way, but why him? It felt too ironic, too painfully symbolic. But Gon said it's okay, so it must be, right? If light itself prefers the dark, it can't be that bad, right?

The other reason was simple, one Killua had known but been intentionally neglecting for years.  
He wanted Gon to find him desirable. He wanted Gon to like him. Killua curled up closer to him.

"I used to go out to the beach at night and stare up at the moon for hours. The moon glows, lights what you shouldn't be able to see, and it's so pretty, just like you."

Killua's eyes widened as he stared at where he knew Gon's face was.

"Gon, what-"

"You're beautiful, Killua. You really are."

Killua smiled as the breath left his lungs, nuzzled his head under Gon's chin, and finally hugged him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't I'm satisfied leaving this chapter the way it is; I feel like there's something more I could do with it but I'm not so great at writing long things.
> 
> I'm pretty sure every chapter was a mess though tbh.
> 
> Anyway if you made it this far, thanks for reading!


End file.
